OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just threw up on my dentist
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
