The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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