I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
