i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
