lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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