I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
