All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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