the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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