what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
