he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is Oprah even human
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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