well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
