I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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