Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize