I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
