He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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