So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
