we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
