does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
