you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
