Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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