ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
wow bdsm is so cute
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
