Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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