I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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