I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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