The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
