So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
