Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize