Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
