Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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