I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
