My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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