oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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