please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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