Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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