You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
