You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
