and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
