Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
FUCK WHALES
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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