just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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