I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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