I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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