I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
