I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
