I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
