Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
