btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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