Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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