your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
