there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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