It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
