she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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