i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
