Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
