I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
