ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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