you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
