He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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