Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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