I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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