so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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