I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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