he thought i was a dude.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
