Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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