Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
