im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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