My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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